Comment here and I'll hook you up. *lusty wink*

Holy shit America, holy shit. All those bad things I've said about you over the past year, I take it all back.

This is a thousand times more exciting than Krudd's win.

After uni, on the way to Lilian's place in Balwyn North (I had to help with a photoshoot for a publication) I went to Myer.

I found a pair of the most amazing shoes. I went to the counter to ask for them in my size and stood in line behind this woman wearing the most impossibly high-waisted sand-coloured jeans. While I stared at the the back of the woman's streaky blonde-haired head, pondering where exactly one finds high-waisted sand-coloured jeans these days other than in Terri Irwin's closet, I hear the cashier ask the woman "So did you bring little Bob with you?". The woman then replied in an American accent.

I was actually standing behind Terri Irwin.

I bought astroturf green hair-on leather flats in the presence of Terri Irwin and I felt unjustifiably and hypocritically guilty.



But who cares, they are fucking amazing.

Bono ends world hunger for another U2 greatest hits compilation New cricket graphic introduces never-before-seen visualisation of how shit England are Uni student pretends she understands 'Ulysses' Trendy new wave of country music identical to pop Setting alarm involves pressing minute button 59 times 21st speech consists entirely of anecdotes about drinking CNNNN cast member still waiting to pick up as a result of being on TV UN Security Council rejects Iraqi weapon building application Human race heeds environmental warning Movie as good As Bill Collins promises Red Hot Chili Peppers now fairly lukewarm ABC news clip hilariously funny when taken completely out of context Sitcom features exterior shot of house as breaker between scenes Julian Morrow emphasises line by moving head Glenn McGrath begins to accept he may never score a test century Supermarket aisles arranged logically Clever American interviewed during 'Market Research' segment ends up on cutting room floor Pizza too big for one person, too small for two Brilliant geneticist makes sow's ear out of silk purse Girl surprised by success of 'playing easy to get' strategy Amnesty criticises Monopoly board game for sending players to jail without fair trial Man depressed by his friends having their first babies Old chocolate bar experiments with daring 'white' version Rumour that Mike Munro may act nobly scotched Ordinary phrase has that certain 'Je Ne Sais Quoi' when translated into French One energy drink more effective than another Comedian angry that 'the Simpsons' has already done every joke Internet user accepts popup invitation to visit world's largest online casino Harrison Ford troubled and haggard in movie John Travolta still optimistic 'Battlefield Earth' will be a sleeper hit in video stores 'Bizbiz Finance Report' and 'Dom's Sunny Outlook' DVD sales disappointing Morrissey tries to beat writers' block by taking depressants '1001 more jokes for kids' wins Montreal comedy festival Pub jukebox offers tour of duty soundtrack Journalist refers to Chaser group as "The Chaser Boys" Ministry of Sound resumes diplomatic relations with Trance Nation Kid regrets eating cooking chocolate Bush unveils 'more efficient' plan for poor to pay their taxes directly to the rich Cricket groupie hoping for a one-day stand Child safety campaign patronising Manga film loses something in translation Winona Ryder given community service order: promises not to film sequel to 'Mr Deeds' New Hollywood lovers sign pre-pre-nuptial agreement Norton releases scanner to guard against joke emails Critics slam Madonna's performance in birth home video as 'unconvincing' Inkblot in Rorschach Test just looks like an inkblot Mobile phone ad targets elderly Petrol prices identical across city: spooky coincidence blamed Alice says Australia's Wonderland 'somehow not quite the same' Ontyseptine feminine ointment sales plummet when name changed to scrub-a-twat Magician actually says 'abracadabra' Ad breaks somewhat affect pace of televised movie DVD director's commentary track completely fails to justify 'Freddy Got Fingered' Gym visitor freezes to death on steppe machine Dentist's bill seems worth it Man eats sausage without having any phallic thoughts Al Qaeda plans counter-counter-terrorism training Sociologists identify new minority group for Eminem to vilify Man dines at Black Stump without discount voucher Glenn McGrath begins to accept he may never score a test century 'Perfect Match' viewer develops agro-phobia Old woman keeps food past use-by date Channel 7 dominates 5:30 am timeslot with 'Punky Brewster' reruns The Lord Of The rings: the Two Towers' pipped in overly long title stakes by 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' CNNNN viewer doesn't get RITa + LiN at all Gym visitor freezes to death on steppe machine Greatest hits album release coincides with Christmas Jennifer Anastassakis' family still has trouble understanding why she changed her surname to Aniston 2-year-old insulted after painting compared to modern art Simon Target sues Rudi Blass in paternity suit Viewer sceptical about TV psychic John Edward Old chocolate bar experiments with daring 'white' version Lachlan Murdoch releases director's cut of FoxTel ad High school student really relates to T.S. Eliot poem Girl surprised by success of 'playing easy to get' strategy Retirement village not the nicest place to retire Full bench of Supreme Court rules that the one who said the rhyme did the crime Contemporary art viewer says "i could have done that" Bumper sticker fails to amuse Greatest hits album release coincides with Christmas Newsbar item not based on pun or observation Nightclub fairly boring unless you're taking drugs RITa + LiN's voices go up another octave Classic fairytale grisly and disturbing when analysed carefully US birth registry counts total of 0 babies christened 'Osama' in past 12 months Women's gossip magazine cover tipped to feature Nicole Kidman Friand half the size of muffin for twice the price King-sized bed too big for actual king Singer from Machine Gun Fellatio dies tragically after life imitates art What did one wall say to the other wall? Meet you at the corner! What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock? An alarm cluck! What do you get if you cross a cowboy with an octopus? Billy the squid! CNNNN Newsbar would like to apologise for accidentally broadcasting the previous three Christmas cracker jokes Cinderella spurned by prince after Ugly Sisters get boob jobs Treadmill user feels like he's going nowhere CNNNN to run some kind of charity in next satellite feed Girl plays computer game other than Tetris American TV kid annoying Parent thinks photos of their baby cross-dressing are hilarious cnnnn.com message board contributor writes 'i'm fungry'z Kid regrets eating cooking chocolate English cricket team campaign for "six and out" rule Chris Taylor tipped to drop 'G' from upcoming present participle King-sized bed too big for actual king Dominic Knight 'never feels so free' as when being whipped by Anna Skellern Coldplay song poignant Rebecca Romjin-Stamos still strangely unembarrassed by marriage to John Stamos 'Crackerjack' release hailed as Australian cinema's eight thousandth coming of age CNNNN vox pop involves oversized prop Pimple cream ineffective Kruder and Dorfmeister remix fails to increase trendiness of Wiggles song Adult nappies now thrown more frequently than underpants on Tom Jones tour Food scientists develop hygienic kebab CNNNN wardrobe department announces lavender is in Critics fear worst as Eddie Murphy to play all 293 roles in upcoming film Drunk man persists in shouting 'Yabba Dabba Doo' like Fred Flintstone Chris Taylor voted Mister Mullet 2002 High school captain nauseating Treadmill user feels like he's going nowhere Upcoming movie featuring 'Friends' star highly likely to suck Chaser group squanders another golden merchandising opportunity Computer user presses 'Print Screen/Sys Rq' key 'Classic hits' radio station spearheads Credence Clearwater Revival revival Mathematician unable to explain why '42' a funnier punchline than '41' Man who keeps burning candle at both ends finds it won't stand up properly Viewer doubts CNNNN's American vox pops are for real Interrogator of blind person turns lamp on guide dog Simon Target impersonator to direct ABC cooking show Furious Firth requires sedation during "Aborigines" report New 'Firth' eyeliner causes sensation in transvestite community Violent computer game blamed for man's brutal battering of control pad "1001 more jokes for kids" wins at Montreux comedy festival Babysitter squashes infant after taking job too literally Lachlan Murdoch releases director's cut of FoxTel ad Man complains about McDonald's food but eats it anyway World in disbelief after sequel to 'The Santa Clause' released FM radio station alters playlist It's all fun and games until somebody gets arrested

HEY, I WATCH CHILDREN'S TV AND THIS CLAYMATION FARMER LOOKS LIKE PSTUMP.


sass_le_fay (11:08:50 PM): look at those chops.
sass_le_fay (11:08:57 PM): and I don't mean on shaun.

Oh. My god. Where is my copy of Zoolander. WHERE IS MY COPY OF ZOOLANDER? Do you have my copy of Zoolander? I CANNOT FIND MY COPY OF ZOOLANDER. ALL I WANT TO DO IS SIT HERE, DRAW PICTURES OF CHALICES AND MALK WHILST DRINKING COOKIES AND MALK AND WATCHING ZOOLANDER.

*breathes*

Extended Scene from TAI TV from William Beckett Jr. on Vimeo.

♥__♥

It's up. Oh my good glorious god, it's up.

http://www.sidestagezine.com/

Now I have to explain to my typography teacher why I didn't do my homework and why I won't be at uni next Friday ("I have to go to a wedding in Sydney. A shotgun wedding.")

ALSO PORN.

You know how the Brothers Way are into Good Music (ie. Blur, The Stone Roses)? I think the Brothers Way are also into the Brothers Reed. As in Jim and the now-fat one, aka. The Jesus and Mary Chain. It would explain a lot.

Fuck.

They were one of my favourites. Snotty bratty garage will never be the same for me ever again. Like, look at my fifteen top artists on my last.fm. That's another one that I will never see live. If you don't mind me, I will be in my room throwing things around to Get Awkward*.

* actually a lie. I'm tidying up my room to Get Awkward and then going to Jacob and Hamit's for nacho night. Yeah, nacho night with a bunch of industrial designers. "The way you've constructed the corn chip pile, only the uppermost chips get the toppings on them" "what about the form, think about the form!"

Edit: I finally got my bowlcut to work.